hideyourself | futurology inbox.

[almost was not had done; humans and ghouls were both flawed creatures; Kaneki almost became the monster they feared, but he had not and would not, and it was unlikely knowledge of any future event would shake Hideyoshi's conviction. so he believed - but then, he hadn't heard the other's recounting of the moments in his world before his arrival.]

[there was... something. he'd thought the undercurrent of distress had been related to the other's ghoul persuasion was now open knowledge between them, but as time went on, he had to wonder if there wasn't more. that they could come from different points in time was a possibility, but not one he paid much attention to. Kaneki should have been grievously injured when they first met; yet, it made no sense for their employers to send them to the field with injuries.]

[so there had to be something else. no, no, he was over-analyzing (he always over-analyzed), it could be-- an extension of-- the worries related to a friendship between human and ghoul--?]

[...]

[at this point, it had to be something else.]

no kidding! [badmouthing ALASTAIR wasn't new even by this early point. regardless, Kaneki was someone he could be fully blunt with - though ALASTAIR undoubtedly had access to all text messages, he couldn't imagine why they'd care. (a full change in subject. the half-ghoul could breath easier now).] talk about disorganized! do they want us to make all our own calls? do they think this motley crew has any sense of justice beyond "i'll do this because i can?"

it's stupid, and absolutely absurd.

[He's not used to keeping things from Hide. The guy had a sense for when people were keeping things (or bullshitting him, conversely), and Kaneki had seen that years and years ago, late enough to know that it was easiest for him to keep things by completely avoiding him. It's how he had managed to (he thought) keep his secret early on, avoiding him when it was at its worse, trying his hardest to keep the mask in place when he did manage to go to school, go out afterward.

The more he thinks about it, the less he's surprised that Hide had managed to figure it out. His lies were always written on his face for the other guy—open like the books he read, as Hide said once or twice before. He's more surprised he'd jump to that (previously unbelievable) truth, but... Kaneki knew the strength of Hide's natural intuition, even without knowing the pervasiveness of it.

So how long would he able to keep this to himself?]

It seems like more people are being motivated to do this "because I have to." To get back home for them, anyway.

[Doesn't sound like he includes himself. Considering his thoughts on what was happening back home for him, one couldn't blame him.]

Either it's normal of them to drop newly-initiated strangers off to complete missions like this, or something big is happening that they have to deal with that while we're here.
Neither way really instills much confidence.

[...]

[for them, was it? that small implication stood as far more interesting than ALASTAIR's enduring incompetence.]

heading back... you think they'd drop us off at the exact moment they took us? [a beat. he wasn't convinced, but it remained to be seen.] we could have some wiggle room.

[And this was one subject he had not wanted to approach within twenty yards of. He's kicking himself for mentioning it even tangentially. Of course Hide would pick up on that—he should never make the mistake of thinking he wouldn't.

There's a brief pause in conversation, but he does reply shortly after.]

From what I've seen, they certainly have the power to either do that or something else, depending on what they wanted.

[Whether or not they'd allow the "wiggle room" was up in the air.]

wherever the wind takes us will have to work, then.

[neat and simple and definite. us, and maybe I don't mind as much if it's not Earth, though his feelings were mixed-- they solidified by the day, however, and though he wondered at what would cut Kaneki's ties from the planet they came from (he'd always been the sentimental one), he couldn't imagine it being a secret forever.]

[it wouldn't be a secret forever.]

[on the subject of mitigation, miscommunication and disorganization:]

ah, what a pain!

It'll be something we deal with when it comes up.
From the pace of things here, I don't think it'll be any time soon.

[Mixed emotions on that front, but he isn't really in a dire need to get home. Or in any need to get home at all. Back to a world where all that waited for him was the Reaper, the guilt and fear cloying on his tongue in the taste of blood?

No. With both of them whole and hale and alive here, he was already finding this to be a far better replacement. And... without ghouls, without the fear and the hysteria... It was a better situation than he could've asked for in an "afterlife." If there was such a thing.

Regardless. It's time for Kaneki to broach a subject which felt inevitable, though he feels Hide might not enjoy it, just as he hadn't enjoyed several of his.]

Hide...
If violence breaks out for whatever reason, will you... try to keep out of it?
Or just... call me.

[The words look stilted after he's thought them; they felt that way as he processed them, but it was difficult. It was an absolute imperative that Hide remain safe, though the methods by which intersected with things he did not want his friend to see. But if it was necessary—he would, even if it left a bitter taste in his mouth.]

[the verbal equivalent of a physical promise, all presence and posture and paranoia wrapped up in a malnourished anomaly --- his friend, Kaneki Ken, a person he would and had lay down his life for. A person who could easily snap him and any of his foes (magic not withstanding) in half, offering him aid for what was obviously half of ALASTAIR's missions.]

[it was fair: Hide had about as much offensive skill as a startled songbird.]

[but it was also a-- question, a curiousity, a why don't you want to return? He knew his own reasoning-- he could feel out his own reasoning, he felt the edges of it, all bluster and fear and a dose of finally found him, but it wasn't complete and he found it far easier to wonder at Kaneki's excuse. Kaneki, his friend, offering the side he wanted to hide the most to keep Hideyoshi safe. At the end of the day, who knew how much it would help; but the thought, the offer, that mattered more than words.]

if you ever need somewhere to crash, Kaneki, you know my door is open

[acceptance, acknowledgement, and reciprocation.]

[an offer he'd thought had been clear before, but obviously hadn't. maybe if he'd offered-- maybe if they'd been able to communicate like this--? Maybe, maybe, maybe the present wasn't too late.]

right?

[Was it that strange to imagine he might not be in a rush to return home? The words seem to find him at odd points in the day, sharp with a cloying type of hope which only seemed to poison him now: "Come on, let's just go home." It wasn't that easy. It would never be that easy. He couldn't just drop what he was, what he had become, everything he had done and return back to being a university student. It would find him. Aogiri, the CCG, anyone—they would find him, and the exposure would be even worse.

"Home" was a place that was no longer welcoming, even more harmful because it was interlaced with memories of when things had been simple, had been commonplace. It had become difficult, even walking the streets in Tokyo, so easily seeped into memories of where his mind had been before Rize, before the accident, before all of this.

In that, it was almost easier being in a foreign world, fighting battles that weren't his own. And Hide being here... it worried him, but in a selfish way, he was happy. It had been his imperative that he had pushed his friend away (for his own good, always for that), but it didn't mean he hadn't missed him.

Of course, there were the other reasons. The simple fact that, if they were dropped right where they were found, there was nothing left for him back home. Nothing but the CCG's reaper, standing amidst a field of corpses.

...The offer means a lot, even though he isn't sure he'll be able to accept it any time soon. As much as he feared Hide learning the broader strokes in how he had been changed, he didn't want him aware of some of the smaller things either. He's silent a moment before answering.]

Yeah.
I'll... I'll keep that in mind.
...Thanks, Hide.

[It doesn't convey across text, but the sentiment is somewhat raw. Thanks didn't even start to cover it. For accepting something like him, the capricious and dangerous creature he had become, so easily... In a way it worries him, but otherwise it...

Feels far more like "home" than their planet Earth currently does.]

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